www.novemberjuliet.com

The thing with divorce is, especially when a child is involved, there is always that just one more thing. There will never be closure until you decide to simply close yourself off. Not that you have to cut communication or isolate yourself, but you have to close up the wounds and choose to prevent them from re-opening. Sometimes the physical act of protecting yourself seems as overwhelmingly painful as just letting it all seep in, but ultimately, well what do I know? Ultimately, I know how it has been for me. It has been a year … it’s hard to believe. I still experience deep sadness, feel a profound sense of loss, and sometimes both those things, the fact that I feel feel feel with such intensity drives me to anger. Perhaps that is what life is … we experience it, sometimes we experience a lot of it … to the point of feeling like it is the same thing over and over and over again. We keep wishing for things to change, but they don’t. Accepting that things weren’t going to change was the hardest hurdle, but once I did - I changed. Maybe it’s growth, I don’t know and am not sure it matters - what matters is that there is a road ahead, a bright one, a future. It’s not the best one, but it’s certainly a great one. I know I changed, because the other things come … like buzz cuts on the boy, TVs and video games in bedrooms, gameboys, toys I can’t keep up with … the things, the things, and more things that I can’t keep up with. I’m not meant to. I’m me. I’m restored. I’m a good me. This me can’t do anything but her best to handle those “just another things”, but I can do my best to enjoy life, to love deeply, and to embrace whatever good or bad comes my way. It’s been a year. A whole year and I’m left saying to more … “bring it on”.

I think it is important to note that there are five stages of grief - shock, anger, denial, bargaining, and acceptance. I cried my way through much of the past year. I think I might have developed an allergy to kleenex, but that’s really besides the point. The point is, knowing that it’s important to choose healing instead of despair is only going to be effective once you’ve been in the pit, recognized it, and climbed out … with friends and cheerleaders along the way … same-sex ones or really super-safe opposite-sex ones. You need to focus on what’s best … that’s you.

I did not choose the above path for myself … I certainly would have gone in a different direction, but there was some intervention, and boy am I thankful for that.